La buena aventura
by emma de los nardos
Summary: Tiger takes a risk and Wolf lets her. From the Judy Blume book/movie 'Tiger Eyes.' Tiger/Wolf, Davey Wexler/Martin Ortiz


Notes:

I recently watched the film 'Tiger Eyes,' based on the book of the same name by Judy Blume. I fell in love a little bit with Wolf and Tiger falling in love, and so I had to read the book, too.

Story set somewhere between the movie and book universe; first-person voice is Davey's, like in the book.

I'm not really addressing the fact that in the book, it says that Wolf is 19 or 20 and Tiger is 15; perhaps the age difference didn't seem so illegal back in 1981 when the book was published? Warning for underage and rating Mature just in case. Also, some reference to masturbation to restore the author's original intent with this story (as per interviews where Blume stated that she removed a passage about masturbation because of fears of censorship).

* * *

It was a good thing aunt Bitsy didn't pay much attention to what I was doing down at the canyon so often. As long as I wore my bike helmet, she thought I was safe, and that was mostly what mattered to her.

It didn't occur to her to ask me where I got my hiking boots, or why I came back with my hair tousled and the seat of my jeans all dusty. She didn't ask, and I never told her about Wolf until the night that Wolf dropped me off, and she made me play twenty questions.

I told her everything that she wanted to know – his college, his age, his work at the labs – and nothing about him that was really important. The rest I kept to myself, kept small and precious within me, and didn't even tell Jane about it when she asked me if I was dating 'that Indian guy' and if we had gone all the way. I didn't want to talk about Wolf, the way I didn't want to talk about my father. And I'm still not really ready to talk much about Wolf with anyone, but I think about him a lot, especially the days we spent in the canyon after I kissed him for the first time.

It was a few days before Christmas, and Wolf had only just learned my address the week before because he'd hauled me back in his truck when my bike got a flat. I didn't expect him to show up at Walter and Bitsy's house, but it seemed fitting, somehow, that he came right as I lit my father's candle. Wolf has this way of showing up just when I'm feeling the most sorry for myself.

As soon as I saw him I walked out into the driveway in the snowy night. I was so eager to see him that I forgot my coat. He stood there waiting for me, no explanation, just "I thought you might need a friend tonight, Tiger." And then he said, "I know I do."

I hoped he meant he needed _me _that night, not just any friend, and so I took a risk right then. Wolf is a lot taller than I am, but I didn't have time to think about whether it would work out before I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. He kissed me back, I was pretty sure of it, but then he asked me what I was doing. It took all my nerves not to back away from him and tell him I was sorry, that it was a mistake. But then I looked at his face and there was the same kindness, the same smile that I'd always seen from him, and I understood that he wasn't mad at me. He just wanted to make sure that I was doing something that _I _wanted to do, not because I thought he expected it from me or something.

One of my favorite things about Wolf is that he doesn't ask a lot from me, but he always gives me so much, usually before I even know what I need.

I knew I wanted to kiss him again, and so I did. He definitely kissed me back that time, gently but purposefully. Wolf is older than me, and I thought he must have kissed a lot of girls before. But I'd only ever kissed Hugh, and Hugh had always taken the lead. I never thought I was the kind of girl who would kiss a guy first. Wolf didn't seem to mind that I kissed him, though. He just kept smiling at me and hugging me tight between the kisses. I was so excited that I started shivering, and he drew me closer because he thought I was cold. We stood there a while in the driveway, just holding each other. I wondered why we'd never hugged before; it was so nice to feel his arms around me and to nestle myself down under his chin, against his chest. He smelled like smoke and leaves and something else, something I'd wondered about when we'd climbed together and I'd bumped into him, or when he'd take my hand to lead me up a cliff. I wished we were in the canyon and not in my aunt and uncle's driveway. He might have thought the same thing, because much sooner than I wanted, he let me go.

"Meet you at the canyon tomorrow morning?" he asked, smiling down at me. The music had stopped inside, and I pulled away from him suddenly in case any of the guests came out.

I told him I'd see him then, and watched him climb into the truck and drive away before turning to go back to my room.

The night, I waited until the guests left and my family had all gone to bed. Once the house was silent, I crawled under the covers and explored my body with a new sense of urgency. As I'd done so often before, I imagined Wolf was kissing me, but this time I had memories of his kisses fresh in my mind. I remembered how his upper lip was rough again mine, even though he doesn't have much of a beard and probably doesn't need to shave too often, and I remembered how he had caught his breath when I opened my mouth against his earlier that night. We had kept kissing with our mouths open, sucking gently at each other, neither daring to use our tongues. In my fantasy we used our tongues, and we kissed each others' cheeks, and eyelids, before Wolf kissed down my neck, making me moan. I pictured Wolf opening the buttons of my blouse and reaching under my bra, and when I touched my own nipple the sensation was so powerful that I orgasmed right away, before I could imagine us going any further.

It's a good thing I wasn't afraid to touch myself, because I don't know how I could have stood it otherwise. I'd already had a huge crush on Wolf, and now that we had kissed I couldn't stop thinking of him. I was awake most of the night thinking about him and me and hoping that we'd have some privacy tomorrow in the canyon.

The next few weeks, I spent every free minute I could down at the canyon with Wolf. We were still really shy with each other, and acted at first like nothing had changed between us. Wolf would kiss me on the cheek when I arrived, and would kiss me softly on the lips when I left. And once or twice, when the path was wide enough, he walked next to me and held my hand. But it wasn't until one chilly Friday afternoon, in the middle of January, when he really kissed me again. I was coming down a steep path and couldn't really control my speed, so I was running and leaping as best I could to avoid the rocks and roots on the path. Wolf had gone down before me and was waiting for me at the bottom. I ran right into him and would have knocked him over if he hadn't braced himself to take the impact. He then hugged me tightly to him and we laughed and laughed, until I looked up at him and he kissed me. This kiss wasn't at all like his goodbye kisses; this time he kissed me over and over again, holding my mouth with his time and again and then releasing it, kissing me behind my ears, under my chin, down my neck until I felt myself losing my balance. He sat down with me and drew me close to him, and we kept kissing and kissing until the sun began to set and we made our way back up the canyon with Wolf's flashlight. He drove me back because it was too dark for me to ride my bike. When we got to my aunt and uncle's house he asked if he could meet my family.

It all turned out fine. I introduced him as "Martin Ortiz, my friend," and when Jason asked him if he was my _boy _friend, Wolf said, "I will be if she wants me to be. And if that's all right with all of you." My mother and aunt Bitsy looked hard at me and I blushed so hard I thought they'd tease me, but instead they just smiled and said it was up to me. But I could tell they were touched that he'd asked their permission.

Then Aunt Bitsy offered us cookies and Uncle Walter told Wolf he'd asked around about him at the lab, and that he knew his supervisor and had heard good things from her about Wolf. My uncle liked Wolf because he went to Cal-Tech and had an internship at Los Alamos; my aunt liked him because he'd stayed home from college to take care of his sick father; and Jason liked him because Wolf was a "real Indian" – I scolded him when he asked that question – and said he'd show Jason some petroglyphs some day. I ate my cookie and listened to everyone talking to Wolf and was amazed that they all seemed to _like _each other. I walked him out to his truck at the end, and after he gave me one of his old, chaste good-bye kisses, I told him I'd like him to be my boyfriend, too.

I couldn't go down to the canyon the next morning because I told my mother I'd take Jason to Hebrew school. My mother was working that Saturday, so Walter dropped us off and picked us up. It was nice to spend some time alone with Jason, away from the adults. It was also nice to attend services for a change, and they reminded me a bit of Wolf. I thought he would like the chanting in Hebrew, which really wasn't so different from the way his people chanted. Maybe I'd invite him to the temple some time, too.

When I finally got out of temple and convinced aunt Bitsy to let me borrow her bike, it was almost three when I arrived at the canyon. I saw Wolf's truck but it was empty. This was nothing new – we never set a time to meet, and there were days when I got to the canyon and he never came, or when I was the first one there and didn't know if he'd come later.

The sun was already low on the hills when I began to descend the canyon, looking out for Wolf. Lately he had begun to leave little signs for me to follow when he was there before me – a red handkerchief weighted down by a rock, or a hiking stick and a water bottle on the path up to the caves. That's what I found this time, and I followed the trail up to the cliff below the caves. I shouted his name but didn't see him come out until I was halfway up the cliff. He waited above me like he had the first time, his arm extended to help me over one of the steeper stretches. Wolf is over six feet tall and can reach things that I can't reach, but even when he helped me over a difficult patch he always told me that I was the one who had made it, that it was my own effort.

In the cave, Wolf spread out a blanket for us to lie on and offered me some tangerines and water. I couldn't stop watching the way his hands tore the fruit apart, the way he lifted the slices to his lips and let the juice run down over his chin. He noticed me watching him and asked me if I planned to eat mine, too. When I dropped the tangerine he leaned over and caught my mouth in a kiss.

"Silly Tiger," he said with a laugh. "You don't ever have to be shy around me." We were both kneeling, off balance, and he tugged me so I was in his lap. I _did _feel shy then, so close to him and all alone, high above the world in the homes of his ancestors. There was nothing and no one who could come between us right then, and I thought about how easy it would be to just do it, right there and then, even though I knew I was probably getting ahead of myself. But it was still thrilling to be close to Wolf, after so many months of hanging out together and talking and sharing with each other. I had never been so close to anyone before, besides my mom and dad and Jason. Touching Wolf, being touched by him – it felt so sweet and so right. I didn't wonder at it, it was so good to be cradled by his arms and to feel all of his attention and his love directed at me.

He didn't just kiss me, though the kisses were what I liked best. He also stroked my face with the tips of his fingers, brushed my hair out of my eyes, plaiting it behind me just like his own braids. "You're so beautiful," he whispered as he finished the braid and dropped his hands on my shoulders. I shuddered underneath him and he began to pull away. I couldn't tell him why I responded that way, that it was that he had made me shudder with just his words, so I turned around and kissed him again, harder, opening my mouth and using my tongue against his. He laughed, surprised, and let me push him against the ground, so he was laying flat and I was above him. I straddled my legs around his waist, keeping some distance between us still, both wanting and not wanting to feel him hard against me. I didn't know if I was jumping ahead of myself, didn't know much about boys or men and how they would respond to me like that. I'd learned a lot in the previous weeks about my own body and what I wanted, but at the moment I kept my distance.

Wolf was soft and warm underneath me. He laughed when I pinned him down by the shoulders before kissing him again. There was nothing in the world like his smile, which transformed his sober face in such an unexpected way. I wondered if he only looked at me like that, or if he looked at anything that made him happy in the same way, if he'd have the same look on his face whether he was watching the sun set over the canyon or watching me hovering above him, searching for the ends of his braids so I could loosen them. I wanted to feel his hair, loose and long like when I had first met him. He looked so serious in those braids, and I wanted them to come undone like I wanted him to keep smiling up at me.

"Davey, what are you doing?" he asked, once he understood my intentions. Then he helped me with the ties, and let me run my fingers up the braids to loosen them. I leaned down and put my face against his, rubbing my cheek against his temple. He put his arms around me then, pulling me closer until I was lying flat against him, my entire body pressed against his.

It was then that I felt that his hardness beneath me, between my legs, just where it was supposed to fit.

I tried to lift myself up to give him some space, and he sensed what had startled me. "Are you afraid of me?" he asked, letting me shift away.

"No," I said, embarrassed for him and for myself.

"Are you surprised at this?" Wolf asked. I slid up so I straddled his abdomen instead of his groin. He looked up at me, serious now, and I couldn't look back at him. He kept talking even as he moved to sit up again, pulling me back into his lap, careful to keep me from feeling him again. "It happens sometimes," he whispered. "It's really common, you know."

"I know," I said, with a little of the voice of the old Tiger, the one I'd use with him when I first met him and he told me I didn't know my ass from my armpit.

"I can't help it when it happens," he said. "It just does. But we don't have to do _this_, if you don't want to. We can just sit here and be together, like before. We don't need to get so close."

I let out a bitter laugh. "I _want _to do this, Wolf. It's not that."

"Then what is it, Tiger? We've always been able to talk before. We can talk about this," he said, kissing the top of my head. I felt myself go hot, then cold all over. Before Wolf, I'd never _talked _to boys while we were making out. With Hugh I'd always just sort of gone along with things, and I'd push him away if I got uncomfortable. I didn't know if I could tell Wolf what I was thinking, but I had never wanted to talk to anyone so much, about everything, as I did with him.

"It's strange," I said. He waited for me, not pushing. "I mean, I want it too – " I blushed and turned my head against his chest, so he couldn't see me. "—But I can hide it better, I suppose, so it's just so – so _weird _to feel you like that. Like you don't have any control over it."

Wolf laughed. "I _don't _have much control over it. And I guess it must feel weird to you, now that you mention it," he said in his lilting voice. "But to tell the truth, I never gave it much thought. It just happens, when you kiss me. It feels good, it means what you're doing makes me feel good, and I like how it feels. But it doesn't mean I want anything else from you. If I did, I'd tell you before it happened."

"You would?"

"Of course. That's too important to _not _talk about, Tiger."

"And what if I want something from _you_?"

"Then I hope you'd talk to me about it, too." I thought about that, for a few moments. He had already invited me into so much of his world – his canyons, his family, his people – and now he was inviting me in to talk about our bodies, our desires. I wanted to do it, too. I wanted to talk to him and get to know him – all of him. But not yet, I knew I wasn't ready to do it yet. I still needed time to explore my own body without him, so I could show him what I liked. I needed time to get used to him and how he responded to me, without becoming afraid of it. And we both needed time to learn what the other one liked, to learn what we wanted to do and what we didn't want to do, at least not yet.

I wanted to tell Wolf that I loved him, and that I only ever wanted to talk about these things with him. I wanted to tell him that I'd never had sex before, and didn't know how much I could want another person before this. I wanted to tell him how excited I was that he was my boyfriend. Instead, I agreed that I'd keep talking to him, that I wouldn't let anything get in the way of that.

We kept kissing for a while after that, but in a slow, satisfied way, without the urgency of before. There was time for that, plenty of time for kissing and petting and love-making, but it would be dark soon, and the descent from the caves was dangerous enough in full daylight. So Wolf packed up his blanket and ropes, I gathered the scattered orange peels, and we made our way down and out of the canyon.

We would come back later, after the lizards returned, but so much happened after that first time in the cave that I often returned to these weeks, in my memory, to help me get through the loneliness when Wolf was away.

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Nota bene: This is a small fandom - no posting yet for Tiger Eyes - but if there is any interest in me writing more chapters, I will likely do so. And may even do so without encouragement, I like this pairing so much!


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